


Coming Home

by supernaturalsuperfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas also has self esteem issues, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sick Castiel, Sickfic, everyone has self esteem issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:10:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9667538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalsuperfangirl/pseuds/supernaturalsuperfangirl
Summary: Spoilers for Season 12 episode 9, First Blood. After Sam and Dean escape the secret government facility, life returns to normal. That is, until Cas gets sick. He's never had a mother, so he's not sure what to think of Mary taking care of him.





	1. Chapter 1

The drive home was somber. Dean sat in the backseat with Cas, not knowing whether to thank him for killing Billie, or sock him in the mouth. "Cosmic consequences"? Yeah, that didn't sound good.

They arrived at the bunker, and Dean felt an unexpected wave of emotion. He was home. They were home. They were safe.

He and Sam hit the showers, and changed into their own clothes. It felt so good to finally get out of those God-awful jumpsuits.

They walked into the kitchen, and Dean grinned when he saw that Cas and Mary had prepared a meal for them. There was a smoothie and one of those healthy, lettuce-wrap things for Sam, and a triple bacon cheeseburger for him. With a side of pie!

Sam hugged their mom, and the poor guy looked like he was about to cry as he softly said, "thanks."

"Don't thank me." Mary smiled. Castiel told me what to get you."

"Thanks buddy." Dean said around a mouthful of pie. He was surprised, and actually kinda touched that Cas had remembered what they liked.

"Of course. It's good to have you back."

"So, what have you two been up to while we were gone?"

Cas shrugged. "Mostly looking for you. Mary did some hunting."

"Yeah?" Sam raised an eyebrow. "I though you wanted out."

"Well..." Mary said sheepishly. "Old habits die hard. Monsters still need killing. There was a pack of werewolves, and then the vampires-"

"Wait, you took out a pack all by yourself?" Dean's eyes widened.

"Oh, no. Of course not. The twins, Asa's kids? They called me in for backup. And Castiel did a lot of the work in finding the vampires."

Cas shook his head. "No. You did all the work. I was useless."

Dean frowned at the self-deprecating tone. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You've only ever hunted with us. Going solo is a different story."

Cas just shrugged.

After they finished eating, Dean went to his room. Nothing was out of place; everything looked exactly as it had the day they left. He all but collapsed onto his bed, letting out a satisfied sigh as he sank into the mattress. A real bed. God, he'd missed this.

* * *

Dean awoke with a start in the middle of the night. He sat up, heartbeat slowing as he took in the familiar surroundings. He was home. Looking to the clock, he was disappointed to see that it was 4 in the morning. Too awake to fall back asleep, he wandered down the hall to check on Sam.

It was an old habit, one he'd missed while in captivity. He hated not knowing if his brother was okay. Quietly pushing his door open, he smiled when he saw Sam sleeping soundly, locks of hair falling onto his forehead.

He shut the door and moved on to the guest bedroom, where he assumed Mary was staying. She was sleeping as well. He lingered in the doorway, trying not to let mixed feelings taint the joy of coming home.

Would their mother stay? How would they adjust to having her in their lives? On the other hand, if she left...would he be able to take it again? As much as he hated to admit it, Dean had severe abandonment issues. He'd lost far too many people.

Dammit, he needed to quit thinking. He and Sam were home. Mary was here for now. He needed to just enjoy the moment.

On his way to the fridge for a beer, he walked through their "living room" - basically a couch and some chairs Sam had insisted they get to make the bunker feel more homey.

"Dean,"

"Jesus!" He cursed, ready to take out the intruder before he realized it was Cas, speaking from under a pile of blankets on the couch. The angel switched on the lamp.

"Sorry," Cas's voice was rough, almost as if he'd been asleep seconds before. His messed up hair only supported the theory. It was actually kind of sexy. Dean blinked. Wow, it had definitely been way too long since he'd gotten laid.

Adrenaline still pumping through his veins, Dean flopped down next to Cas. "'s okay, I guess I'm still a little on edge."

"Is that why you're awake? What time is it?"

"It's a little past four. Eh, I'm not tired. Pretty much the only thing to do in Solitary is sleep, so I've had more than enough of that the past few weeks."

"Oh,"

"Yeah, what are you doing? Were you asleep? I thought angels didn't need sleep."

"They don't. How are you doing, Dean?" He quickly changed the subject.

"I'm good. Happy to be home, you know?"

Cas didn't look convinced. "You said it was worse than Hell. I saw the state of your soul when I pulled you out of that place; it wasn't good."

Dean shook his head. "It wasn't _worse..._ just...different. I'm used to torture. I can take pain. That's what I was expecting. But they threw me in that goddamn cell, and left me there. No human interaction for weeks...at first it was kinda nice, but the main reason I made the deal with Billie was-"

"For Sam."

"Yeah. I guess you know me a little too well." Dean chuckled. "I was okay. I mean, being alone with your thoughts is never a good thing, but I was handling it. Sam, on the other hand...he gets weird about it. I couldn't let him rot there. I had to get him out."

"Dean, I'm so sorry." Cas blurted out. "I left you two alone, and then I lost the girl, the entire reason-"

"Hey, it's okay. You couldn't have known what would happen. Besides, it's Kelly's choice in the end. Even if it is the Devil's baby, we can't just force her to have an abortion. That's messed up. She chose to run. She's got your number, hopefully she'll call us when the thing is born."

Cas nodded, glad that Dean agreed. He hadn't felt comfortable with making Kelly destroy the baby if she didn't want to. "I hope she contacts us. That child would have the potential to destroy the world."

"Yeah, but I don't think anything is born evil, you know? They've gotta learn it. Kelly seems like a good woman, maybe she'll teach it right."

"For all our sakes, I hope so."

For the first time in a while, Dean took a good, long look at Cas. The angel looked beat. Tired. There were dark circles under his dull blue eyes. He looked skinnier. A sudden feeling of concern crept into his mind.

"Cas, are you okay?"

He seemed taken aback by the question. "Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

"You look like shit."

The angel gave a small smile. "I don't think that's very nice."

"You know what I mean. What happened while we were gone?"

"I already told you, we looked for you." Cas shifted nervously, drawing the blankets tighter around himself as if he were cold. But angels didn't get cold...

"No, what happened to _you?_ " Dean wouldn't drop it. "Something's different, man."

"I...had an encounter with some witches." Cas finally admitted.

Dean frowned. "And?"

"And what? They weakened me."

"How? There's something you're not telling me."

Cas hesitated.

"Would you please just tell me? I'm done with all the secrets and hiding." Dean glared with frustration.

The angel looked down guiltily. "I was trying to find you." He said softly. "Rowena wouldn't help me, so I sought out a less powerful Coven. They needed to harness great power to perform the spell, so I allowed them access to my Grace."

"You did what?" Dean's eyes widened, feeling slightly guilty.

"It was a mistake, I know...instead of taking only what she needed for the spell, the Witch tried to take more. Presumably to be used for future purposes. But an angel's Grace is like an unstable element. It's not safe..."

Dean didn't like where this was going. "What happened?"

"By the time I realized what was happening, I was too weak to stop it. I tried to warn her, but she didn't listen." Cas swallowed hard. "My Grace tore through that building with the force of a bomb. Luckily we were in an abandoned farmhouse and no one else was hurt, but...the entire Coven died. Incinerated before they could perform the spell." Cas said bitterly.

"Shit," Dean breathed. "What about your Grace?"

"I was able to retain about 30 percent of it; what she hadn't extracted yet. But the rest...gone. Vaporized with the witches."

"Damn..."

"As usual, I make things worse by trying to help."

"Hey!" Dean frowned. "It wasn't your fault."

"I allowed them to take my Grace. Those witches are dead because of me."

"They tried to steal your spark, dude. Good riddance to 'em."

The angel sighed. "Even so, I do not like unnecessary death. And now I am basically useless. We might have been able to find you sooner if I had been at full power."

"Cas, it's okay." Dean patted his shoulder, trying to reassure him. "We're back now. And you're not useless."

"I'm practically human! I require sleep, sustenance, and I get cold...it's quite annoying. I didn't miss this."

Dean knew he was remembering the time Metatron had stolen his Grace. Cas was completely human then. "Is there any way to...I dunno, recharge your battery?"

"It will 'recharge' itself, eventually. But that could take months."

"How long has it been?"

"Three weeks."

"Dammit, Cas..." Dean rubbed his temples. "What are we gonna do with you?"

"Nothing. I trust you will keep this between us. There is no reason for Sam or Mary to know."

"Um, when they see you eating and sleeping, they're gonna know something is up. Angels don't do that stuff."

"Exactly why I haven't been doing those things with your mother around. I will leave when I need to nourish myself. I'll find a safe place to sleep."

"No wonder you look horrible!" Dean's voice rose. "You've been like this for almost a month, and you've been with my mom for a lot of it. That's why you're losing weight, why you look so tired...why didn't you just tell her? There's no shame in being human."

"I didn't want to alarm your mother." He admitted. "She was worried enough about you and Sam, I didn't want her to think she had to take care of me as well."

Dean shook his head. "Cas...we're home now. You don't have to leave the bunker just to eat and sleep; it's safer here anyway."

"Okay..." The angel agreed reluctantly.

"Great." Dean stood. "Go back to sleep, we'll make up another guest bedroom tomorrow."

"But-"

"No buts. We've got plenty of rooms."

"Thank you." Cas said, looking small (and adorable) under the pile of blankets.

"Alright, get some sleep." Dean mumbled, walking away before his brain came up with any more unwanted thoughts about Cas.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Dean awoke to a clap of thunder. He rolled out of bed, throwing his robe on. It was a little chilly this morning. He'd have to remember to check the thermostat.

On his way to the kitchen, he noticed that Cas was no longer parked on the couch. The blankets had been neatly folded and put away, leaving no evidence that he'd slept there.

"Morning." Sam greeted him with a cup of coffee.

Dean inhaled the familiar scent. "I missed coffee."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, me too." He leaned against the counter. "How are you doing?"

Dean groaned. "Seriously? It's not even 10 o'clock yet."

"We've gotta talk about this sometime."

"I'm good."

"Really? Cause you were ready to sacrifice yourself to Billie-"

"Let's not even go there. I didn't have to. We're home. That's all that matters."

"Why did you make the deal? Was it really that bad in there?" Sam was persistent.

"Well it sucked, but..."

"You did it for me, didn't you." His brother was staring at him with those guilty puppy-dog eyes.

"Look, I didn't know what they were doing to you! I didn't know if you were okay...and even if they just threw you in a cell, same as me...I didn't know if _you_ were gonna make a deal."

"So you did it first? You did something stupid to make sure I wouldn't? That's not okay." Sam glared, starting to raise his voice.

"Sammy, please." Dean said tiredly. "Can we not do this right now?"

Falling silent, his younger brother reluctantly nodded. "Okay."

"Are you okay? They didn't...do anything to you, did they?" Dean asked.

"I thought we weren't talking about it."

It was Dean's turn to glare. "We're not talking about the deal part. I'm being serious, man. Did they-"

"They didn't do anything to me. Don't worry. We've both had worse. I mostly passed the time by working out."

Dean snorted. "Of course you did."

Sam rolled his eyes. "What did you do? Sleep?"

"Maybe. Hey, have you seen Cas?"

"Yeah, he was here earlier. He's acting kinda weird, maybe you should talk to him."

Dean frowned. "Weird how?"

"Just kind of...jumpy. This morning I found him eating a piece of toast, and he freaked out like I'd caught him watching porn or something. He tried to hide it, and looked all guilty. That's weird. I mean, for starters, angels don't even need to eat."

"Dammit." Dean shook his head. "He didn't tell you, did he?"

"Tell me what...?"

"He's basically human now."

"What?" Sam asked in shock. "What happened?"

Dean explained about the witches, and how Cas's grace was on short supply. "So yeah, he's stuck slumming it with us humans for a while."

"Wow...that sucks."

"Yeah. So where'd he go?"

"He just left. Said he wanted go for a walk."

"In this weather?" Dean pointed out as another clap of thunder shook the bunker.

Sam shrugged. "He's an angel. A little rain isn't gonna kill him."

"Yeah, not normally...but powered down like this? He's gonna catch a cold."

The younger Winchester raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think he'd come back in if it was bothering him?"

"Not if he's got something to prove." Dean mumbled, hurrying to his room to get dressed. "Let's go find that idiot and bring him home."


	3. Chapter 3

"Where are you going?" As Sam and Dean were about to leave, Mary wandered in, hair still wet from a shower.

"Finding Cas." Dean replied, not bothering to explain.

"Why? What happened?"

"We'll fill you in late-"

Before Sam could finish his sentence, the door to the Bunker opened and shut loudly. Cas stood at the top of the staircase, soaking wet. He descended, shoes making a sloshing noise the whole way until he was standing in front of the Winchesters.

"Good morning."

"Dammit, Cas...why'd you go out in the middle of a thunderstorm? You're drenched!"

"I like rain." The angel said defensively.

"You probably should've taken an umbrella." Sam pointed out.

"I like being _in_ the rain." Cas huffed. "At least, I used to." He was shivering ever so slightly, and his jaw clenched to keep his teeth from chattering; like he was trying to hide it.

His dark hair was plastered to his forehead, which seemed to make his intensely blue eyes stand out even more. He was dripping all over the floor.

"Go take a shower. You'll feel better." Sam suggested sympathetically.

Cas nodded, heading to the showers.

"Dammit, he's getting water everywhere." Dean mumbled.

Sam elbowed him in the ribs. "We'll clean it up. It's not a big deal." He said softly. He knew Cas would feel bad about it. The angel had a guilt complex that rivaled his own.

After Cas was out of sight and his wet, squishing footsteps had faded down the hall, Mary spoke up. "What's going on here?" She asked in confusion. "Couldn't he just... _magic_ his way dry? And why were you going after him if he just went for a walk?"

"Cas isn't exactly at full strength right now." Sam explained. "He tried to make a deal with some witches to find us, and it cost him the majority of his Grace."

Mary's eyes widened. "You mean he's been like this..."

"For about three weeks." Dean confirmed.

"Why didn't he tell me?" Mary asked, looking guilty. "I mean, I guess I should've noticed..."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up." Sam touched her arm. "Cas is good at hiding this kind of thing."

"He learned it from you two." Their mother observed sadly.

Dean's brow furrowed. He hadn't thought of it that way, but it was a definite possibility. He and Sam weren't exactly the best role models in that department.

"So how bad is it?" Mary asked. "What does it mean for an angel's Grace to be...damaged?"

"It means he's essentially a human. He's gotta eat, sleep, he can't heal himself...that sorta thing."

"Poor thing." Mary bit her lip. "To go from being an all-powerful creature, to one of us? That can't be easy."

Dean hated the twisting feeling in his gut as he realized she was right. "He'll be okay. He always is." He said out loud, trying to dismiss his own doubts. "It's just temporary; he should be good as new in a few months."


	4. Chapter 4

Their lives were strange. Dean was so used to having an Apocalypse looming over their heads that he didn't know what to do with himself with no impending crisis. They could continue to look for Kelly and her Satan-baby, but what would they do once they found her?

The next couple days were spent getting used to life back at the Bunker with their mother. Mary was adjusting well, and to Dean's relief, showed no intention of leaving again.

One thing they didn't count on, however, was Cas getting sick.

It started out as a small cough, and wasn't even on the boys' radar. But Mary took instant notice of it.

Despite her suggestion that Cas take it easy, the cough progressed to a deep, rasping sound within days. It left him gasping for breath, and that's when Dean started to worry.

"I'm fine," Cas wheezed, collapsing onto the couch after a particularly bad coughing fit.

"Bullshit." Dean said. "Maybe we should take you to the doctor..."

"Dean, I'm still an angel. Human medical professionals won't be able to help me."

The hunter patted Castiel's back as he began to cough again. "Easy...you know, maybe they'd be able to do more than you think. It's worth a shot..." His tone was nonchalant, like they were discussing where to eat. But Cas recognized the underlying concern and fear.

"If they try to draw any blood, they will also get remnants of my Grace. Their imaging machines would also be compromised. Human technology and old angelic powers do not mix well." Cas explained.

"Dammit..."

"It's okay. I'm fine." He repeated.

Dean glared. "No, you're not. This is probably because you went for that dumbass walk out in the thunderstorm."

"I didn't know I could get sick." Cas mumbled.

"You should've come back in as soon as you got cold! You were out there for almost an hour!"

"Oops." Cas said snarkily.

"Heyy, am I interrupting anything?" Sam walked in, holding his tablet.

Dean realized his touch was lingering on Cas's back. He quickly removed his hand. "Nope. Any news on Kelly?"

"Unfortunately, no. But I found a case."

Dean perked up at that sentence. "Yeah?"

"Oh, you found a case?" Mary walked in from the kitchen and stood next to Sam. Dean had to smile. She looked so small next to his 6'4 brother. He was almost a foot taller than her.

"Yeah, a couple towns over. Four people dead; missing hearts."

"It's the full moon." Mary said. "Werewolf?"

"Probably." Sam nodded.

"I'll get my coat." Cas struggled to stand, and ended up leaning on Dean as the hunter eased him back down on the couch.

"Um, you're staying here." Dean stated, his firm tone indicating there was no room for argument. "You're in no shape to be hunting."

"Why don't you and Sam go?"

They all stared at Mary, blinking at the suggestion.

"What? It'll be a good case to get back in the groove of things." She smiled. "I'll stay here with Castiel."

"I don't need a babysitter." He muttered grumpily.

"I know." Mary said quickly. "But I think Sam and Dean have this one covered."

"She's right, man. Werewolves are easy. Basically a milk run." Sam backed her up.

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn't sure about this. Of course he trusted his mother with Cas, but at the same time...he really didn't wanna leave him. He wanted to be the one to stay here and take care of the angel.

But Mary had a point. This would be their first case since he and Sam escaped that government facility. Over six weeks of inactivity; he definitely needed to get back in the game. He was going crazy cooped up here in the Bunker.

"Okay," He said reluctantly. "But you two call if you need anything, alright?"

Mary chuckled. "Of course. Call if you end up needing backup."

"Will do."

* * *

They got their stuff together, and Dean went to Cas's room to let him know they were leaving. He found the angel sleeping, piled under several layers of blankets but still shivering violently. He put a hand on his friend's forehead and frowned. Cas was running a serious fever. Maybe he should stay...

"He'll be okay." Came a soft voice from the doorway.

Dean turned around to see his mother approach. She laid a cool washcloth across Cas's brow, and gently removed a couple layers of blankets.

The hunter watched, feeling a pang of nostalgia. His memories of Mary Winchester were from so long ago they almost seemed like a dream. But he remembered her staying up all night with him when he was sick. He remembered her singing to him. Nursing him back to health.

He swallowed thickly. "Thanks, Mom." _Mom._ That word still felt foreign on his lips.

"Be safe." She hugged him. It felt so w _eird,_ the hugs he remembered were from a four year old's perspective.

He tried to shake the mixed emotions. "Yeah. And will you call me if he gets any worse?" Jesus, he could hear the anxiety in his own voice.

"Of course."

"And I don't care what he says, take him to the hospital if it gets bad."

"Dean," Mary gave a small smile. "I know. This isn't my first rodeo."

 _I know._ He wanted to say. But he simply nodded. "See you later." He awkwardly backed out of the room.

Maybe if he focused his energy on hunting, he wouldn't be so worried about Cas. Poor bastard got the short end of the stick every time. As if losing most of his Grace wasn't enough...he had to get sick too.

 _It's okay._ He told himself. He knew the angel was in good hands.


	5. Chapter 5

Mary sat next to Castiel's bedside, listening to his labored breathing. The bunker was quiet with her boys gone, so every strained gasp seemed too loud. He would cough in his sleep every once in a while, a concerning rattling sound within the wheeze.

The good news was that his temperature was finally going down. Despite his half-hearted efforts to bundle himself in blankets, she patiently removed them every time. She was relieved when his fever broke around 1 in the morning.

With the last of the shivering dying down, he struggled to consciousness. Mary noticed the change in his breathing and scooted her chair closer.

"Hey," She said softly.

He groaned, and his eyelids fluttered open. Mary was again surprised at the depth of those intense blue eyes. Even when clouded by delirium, his stare was piercing. Despite his weakened state, she felt vulnerable next to this eternal warrior of God.

"Where..." He rasped, and struggled to sit up.

She helped him lean back against the pillows and brought a glass of water to his lips, letting him take a few small sips.

"You're in the Bunker."

"Dean. Where's Dean?"

Mary smiled. "He's on a hunt with Sam. Werewolves, remember?"

"Oh. Yes."

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He coughed.

Mary raised an eyebrow. "That might work on my boys, but not me. How are you really?

"I'm...sore." He admitted reluctantly. "But I don't know why. I haven't physically overexerted myself recently."

"It's probably from the all the coughing. And the shivering, you've had a fever." She explained sympathetically.

He turned his gaze towards her once again, a look of surprise on his face. "Have you...been here all night?"

She nodded.

"You didn't have to do that; watch over me." Castiel said, looking slightly guilty. "I'm sure your bed is more comfortable than that chair. You look tired."

"It's the least I could do." Mary shrugged. "You've been watching over my boys for years."

"I do my best." He stated proudly.

She smiled. "It's funny, I always told Dean that angels were watching over him. I had no idea how true that would turn out to be."

"Not all those angels were good." Cas said, eyes shifting away. "I was not always good. Sometimes I still worry that I do more to hurt than I do to help." There was regret in his voice.

Mary gently laid a hand on his arm. "Castiel, I don't know what you've done in the past, but I know you're on our side now. I can see how much you care about my boys. They trust you with their lives, and so do I. We're lucky to have you"

"Thank you." He looked touched.

"Of course." She yawned.

"You should get some rest." Castiel observed. "Go. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course. I feel much better than I did." He tried to give a convincing smile, but ended up muffling a cough.

"Hm." She hummed doubtfully.

"I will call for you if needed." He said quickly.

"Alright..." She said reluctantly. "Do you need anything before I leave?"

"No. As Dean would say, I'm 'Aces'."

She chuckled. "Okay then. Goodnight, Castiel."

"Goodnight, Mary."

* * *

Mary awoke to the smell of something burning, and for one horrible moment she thought she was back on the ceiling. She abruptly sat up and let her gaze sweep around the room, affirming that she was in fact still in bed in the bunker, and not burning.

She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. The smell was more of a food-smell anyway, not burning flesh. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and made her way to the kitchen.

The source of the smell became apparent when she saw Cas standing over the toaster. She cleared her throat, and he spun around.

"M-Mary. I didn't expect to see you awake this early." He stammered.

She glanced at the clock. "It's 7:00, I'm an early riser."

"I know, but you stayed up with me last night, so I thought you'd be tired."

She smiled. "I'm okay. What are you doing?" She gestured to the blackened toast.

He sheepishly slid the burnt bread into the garbage. "I was trying to make breakfast. I don't normally cook. The last time I was human, I worked at a convenience store, and everything was pre-cooked."

Mary had to bite back a giggle. An Angel of the Lord couldn't make toast. "See these dials on the side here? You can set it to cook your toast a certain way. You've got it up way too high."

"I'm sorry." He said, looking down.

"It's okay, Castiel. That's how you learn." She smiled. "Let's try that again. I'll make some eggs, you're in charge of the toast."

* * *

After breakfast, Mary took his temperature again. She frowned. "You still have a slight fever."

"I feel better though."

"That's good. You're not coughing as much either, but you need to take it easy. Things only get worse when you don't give yourself time to recover."

"So I've noticed."

She looked him over. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and his shoulders were hunched. "You don't have to hide it from me, Castiel. I know you're miserable." She said softly.

He muffled a cough. "I'm doing better."

"Yes, but you're still sick. Your chest hurts, doesn't it? That's why you're not coughing as much."

"Maybe."

Mary frowned. "I'll be right back." She returned with two small pills in her hand. "Tylenol. Take these, you'll feel better."

He took them, but looked doubtful. "I'm still an angel. I'm not sure if these will have an effect. It takes an entire liquor store to get me drunk."

"Hmm...well, wait for those to kick in, and you can take more if you need to. Come on, let's get you back to bed."

She followed him to the bedroom to make sure he was actually going to rest.

"Thank you." He said as he climbed beneath the blankets, looking more like a child than an angel.

"For what?"

"Everything. Your kindness...you didn't have to stay with me last night, and take care of me...I'm sorry for being a burden." There was a vulnerability to his tone, and Mary sat next to him.

"Oh, Cas. You're not a burden." She said. "I promise. It's not a problem; I'm a mom. I take care of people, it's what I do."

"But I'm not your son." Castiel said, confused.

"You might as well be." She touched his arm affectionately. "You're one of my boys now."

Cas's mouth fell open slightly, and he looked shocked. "I consider that a great honor...thank you."

"Of course." She paused. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"What's your family like? Were you ever...a kid? Or do angels just...I don't know, start out as adults?"

Castiel smiled. "I was a fledgling, yes." His gaze grew distant. "My primary caretaker was my brother, Gabriel." He looked sad. "I miss him sometimes. We were so close..."

"What happened?" Mary asked softly, not wanting to dredge up painful memories.

"He couldn't stand the fighting anymore, so he left. Not that I blame him. Things were never good among my older brothers."

"I'm sorry. Do you still talk to him?"

"He's dead."

Mary's heart broke for him. "I'm so sorry, Castiel."

"It's okay...It 'is what it is' I suppose."

"Do you have any other family? Aren't all angels your brothers and sisters?"

"They're supposed to be, yes. But I'm not welcome in Heaven anymore." He looked away. "I told you, I've done horrible things. My brothers and sisters want nothing to do with me."

She took his hand. "You have a family here now. You've done so much for my boys, for _me._ Like I said, you're one of us. You don't need to feel alone."

"Thank you." He whispered, deep blue eyes shining with tears unshed.

"Of course." She kissed his forehead, a gesture of affection he was unfamiliar with. "Get some rest. I'll be in the library if you need anything."


	6. Chapter 6

For once, the case was actually pretty straightforward. They found the werewolves that night, (Two of them, which made for a good challenge) put a silver bullet through their hearts, and headed back to the motel. Dean wanted to check in with Mary and Cas, but it was late. Hopefully they were sleeping.

The next morning, the first thing he did was check his phone for messages. There were none, and no news is good news, right?

"Hey, anything from Mom? Or Cas?" Sam asked, pulling his boots on.

"Nope." Dean dialed Mary's number.

" _Hello?"_

"Hey, Mom. How's it going?"

_"Good, what about you? How's the case?"_

"Over. We ganked the werewolves last night."

" _Werewolves? As in plural?"_ There was a hint of worry in her voice.

"Only two. Nothing we couldn't handle. We're good, not even a scratch."

" _Thank God..."_

"How's Cas?" Dean asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.

" _He's doing better. Still has a bit of a fever, but he's resting now."_

"Good. That's good, I'm glad he's doing better."

" _He misses you, you know."_ Dean could hear the smile in her voice.

He snorted. "We've only been gone one day!"

 _"I know."_ She chuckled. " _The first thing he asked when he woke up last night was, 'Where's Dean?'"_

Dean couldn't help but grin. He felt a weird twinge in his stomach, knowing that Cas missed him too. "Ha. That sappy son of a bitch. He, uh, didn't ask about Sam?"

" _Nope. Just you."_

"Hm. Well, that's flattering." He suddenly felt awkward. He didn't want his mother getting the wrong idea. "He's uh, we've got this _bond_ thing going on."

" _I can tell."_ Was that sarcastic? She was definitely smirking on the other end. Oh God, he was just making things worse.

"Like, when he pulled me out of Hell, he left this handprint on my arm, and uh, that kinda bond, you know?"

"Dude. You're babbling." Sam whispered. "Wrap it up."

He bit his lip. "O-kay, I'm gonna hang up now. We're leaving, we'll be home in a couple hours."

Mary laughed. _"Alright, drive safe."_


	7. Chapter 7

Mary hung up the phone, still chuckling. Hearing Dean so flustered was unusual.

She peeked into Cas's room, just to check on him. She frowned when she saw him tossing and turning. She hurried to his bedside, touching his forehead gently. The fever was back...

She tried to untangle him from the mess of blankets; cool him down. His eyes shot open, and he grabbed her arm.

"Dean?" His stare was unfocused.

"No, Castiel. It's Mary."

"Lucifer...another trick." Cas's words were slurred, but laced with panic. He pushed her away.

"Castiel! It's me!"

"It doesn't matter. I know...I know he hates me...you can stop now."

"Cas, whatever you're seeing, it's not real." She shook his shoulders.

"He could never want me." The angel whispered brokenly.

"Oh, sweetheart..." It was heart-wrenching; seeing him like this. Mary hurried to get another cool washcloth. They needed to get this fever down.

* * *

Two hours later, Dean pulled into the Bunker's garage. He and Sam hauled their gear inside, and Mary greeted them each with a hug. "I'm glad you're home safe." She said.

"Yeah. Are you doing okay, Mom? You look tired." Sam noticed.

"Oh, I'm fine." She assured. "Castiel had a rough night though. I stayed up with him, but I'm okay."

Dean frowned. "You should go take a nap or something. Last thing we need is for you to get sick too."

"I've been careful. Besides, my immune system is mom-strong."

Sam laughed. "I believe it. But you look exhausted. Go lay down for a bit. We're home now, we can keep an eye on Cas."

Mary had to stand on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek gratefully. "Thanks."

* * *

Dean was on his way to Cas's room, but Mary intercepted him. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be taking a nap?"

Mary chuckled. "That's my line!" But her smile quickly faded. "There's something I think you should know."

Dean felt a flutter of anxiety. "What?"

"I know you told me a little about the Darkness, and...Lucifer." She shook her head. "The Devil...that's still so crazy. Anyway, about how he was possessing Castiel?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah?"

"Earlier today his fever came back, he was pretty out of it...I think he was reliving that."

"Oh, no..."

"Yeah. I mean, imagine being possessed by something that powerful...we can't expect him to walk away from it without some kind of damage."

"But he's been fine, I mean he's pretty resilient."

"I think he's more human than you give him credit for." Mary said softly.

Dean had to admit, she was right. They often took him for granted; just assuming he was damn near invincible.

"I think Lucifer was telling him things, things that aren't true."

"Like what?"

"Well he was saying something along the lines of, 'I know he hates me, he could never want me,' things like that. He wasn't making much sense."

Dean felt his heart drop, and suddenly it all clicked.

His mother had apparently come to the same conclusion. "I just thought you should know. He's been through a lot. He told me about losing his family; how he doesn't feel like he fits anywhere. You and Sam should know this better than anyone, but a little reminder doesn't hurt."

"Thanks, Mom," Dean cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump. "Go get some rest."

She nodded. "Wake me up if you need me,"


	8. Chapter 8

Dean nervously walked into Cas's room and shut the door behind him. The angel was sleeping, but stirred when he sat in the chair by his bedside. The hunter kinda hoped he wouldn't wake up yet; he needed a minute to figure out what he was gonna say.

He felt a pang of guilt as he realized how sick Cas had been. Fevered to the point of delirium? He should've been here. He knew how bad flashbacks could get. God, why hadn't he talked to Cas about this? The guy had been possessed by freakin' _Lucifer_! He had no idea what the Devil had been doing to him that whole time. But he could only assume the worst.

"Dean?" Cas's rough voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Hey, buddy." He tried to smile. "How you feeling?"

"Better. How was the hunt? Are you alright?" Cas sat up, and Dean noticed how his arms shook slightly with the effort of pulling himself to a sitting position.

"It was good. We got the werewolves, no injuries."

"That's good. I was worried about you."

Dean gave a short laugh. "You were worried about _me_? You're the one who was burnin' up. Mom said things got really bad for a while." He couldn't hide the concern in his own voice. "Looks like you're still...not doing very good."

"I'm fine."

"You know, you keep saying that..." Dean cleared his throat. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course." Cas nodded, staring at him with those intense blue eyes.

"I mean, it's kinda heavy, so if you're not up to it..." Dean trailed off. Maybe this was a bad idea. Cas was still in pretty rough shape. He could barely sit up, and his cheeks were rosy. It was fuckin' cute, but he knew that color meant fever. And that wasn't good.

"Dean, I'm okay. You can always talk to me, you should know that." Cas said earnestly.

"Alright...but you _tell_ me if you need to stop, okay?"

Cas nodded.

"Mom said you were...seeing something earlier, when your fever was up. Do you remember what?"

"Yes,"

"Okay, what was it?"

Cas reluctantly answered, "I thought Lucifer was still possessing me."

"What did he do to you, man?" Dean finally asked.

Cas bit his lip nervously. "I don't think you want to know."

"I do. If it's not too hard to talk about."

"Why? Why does it matter? It's over." Cas seemed to be getting worked up, and Dean wondered if this was a mistake.

"Hey, relax." He put a hand on the angel's arm. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." Cas sighed. "I just don't see why it matters."

"Cause it's obviously still affecting you. I never thought about it; I just...assumed you were fine, cause you always are. I should've...I should've been there for you." Dean's voice wavered. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I wanna know what he did to you. Sam always says - and I guess he's right, but don't tell him I said this...it helps to talk about it."

Cas was silent for a moment.

"I mean... you need to know that you're not alone. You don't have to hold this shit in. I know I haven't been the best example, but-"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

Cas's gaze dropped to his lap. "It was nothing compared to what Sam endured in the cage. He never even touched me." He took a deep breath. "He would...tell me things. Show me things. Sometimes I...didn't know if they were real."

"What kind of things?"

"He would pretend to be y-" Cas stopped, eyes flickering up to Dean's face for a moment. "He would show me visions of people I cared about; saying they hated me. Telling me I was better off dead."

"Shit..."

"I didn't know if it was actually happening, I only got a glimpse of what he was doing with my vessel, my body. Sometimes I could see things through his eyes, like when he was trying to kill Sam. But other times I was just stuck in this _place_ , in my mind somewhere. He'd trick me into believing you all hated me."

"That bastard." Dean hated Lucifer. _Hated_ him for what he'd done to Sam, and now Cas.

"When Amara expelled him, I thought it was a trick at first. It took a while for me to believe he was truly gone."

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. That explained a lot, actually. Cas had acted...weird the first few days. Of course, it was the end of the world and everything was a little weird, but he still should've noticed...

"He put on my face, didn't he?" The look on Cas's face at this question only confirmed his suspicions. "What did I say, man?"

The angel couldn't meet his eyes. "That I disgust you. That you hate me. I keep coming back, like a disease. I should've stayed dead. You don't know why you wasted time looking for me in Purgatory. I always fuck things up."

Dean's chest felt like it was constricting, his heart breaking. All these awful things...He knew they were straight from Lucifer's mouth, but Cas didn't...

"That you could never want me." He finished, a haunted look on his face.

"Cas..." Dean breathed. He moved his hand from Cas's arm to his hand, intertwining their fingers. The angel met his eyes for the first time since he'd started talking, a look of surprise and confusion written across his features.

"None of that is true. That was all Lucifer. You've gotta believe me, you have to...I would never..." his voice broke. "I would _never_ think those things about you. I don't hate you. Every time I thought I lost you...it tore me apart, man...just ask Sam. I was a fuckin' mess. I _need_ you."

Cas's eyes were misty, and Dean was close to tears as well. "That douche was wrong, okay? He didn't know what he was talking about." He leaned closer, moving from the chair to sit on the bed with him. "Fuck. There's something I've gotta say to you, and I want you to _listen._ This is me talking, alright? Not the Devil."

Cas nodded, hanging on every word.

"I love you, Castiel." Dean couldn't believe he was finally saying it. Years of repressed emotions came to the surface, and it felt so good to finally let them out. While simultaneously terrifying. What if Cas didn't return his feelings?

"Do you mean that?" the angel whispered, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah. And not in the brother kinda way either." He clarified. "I love you, like I wanna hold your hand, go on lame dates, grow old together kinda way."

Cas just beamed. He'd never looked so happy. "Who knew you were such a romantic?" He teased.

"Yeah, well I also wanna fuck you into the mattress, so..." He shrugged, grinning. "Um...does this mean...?" He asked, looking vulnerable all of a sudden.

"I would definitely let you 'fuck me into the mattress.'" Cas smirked. Damn, that was hot. Hearing an _angel_ use that kind of language was making him think all sorts of unholy thoughts. "I love you too, Dean." He said, his tone serious this time.

Dean had waited so long to hear those words. He leaned forward, softly touching Cas's face. He traced the angel's jaw, letting his fingers brush his lips. Their faces were so close...it was impossible to say who caved first. Their mouths met in a gentle but passionate kiss. They finally separated, each feeling like they could breathe for the first time in way too long.

"Thank you," Cas said quietly, voice laced with emotion.

"What for?" Dean asked breathlessly.

"Making me feel loved."

"Come here." Dean climbed onto the bed and pulled his angel close, so Cas's head was resting on his chest. "I shoulda done this sooner." He kissed the top of Cas's head.

"I agree." Cas mumbled.

"I'm serious, man...I'm so sorry...if you didn't feel loved, or like you belonged." Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "You're mine, okay? You belong here, with me. With us. Sammy loves you like a brother, and Mom's already basically adopted you."

"Words cannot describe how much that means to me." Cas said, blue eyes shining. "To have a family again...a home."

Dean just held him closer. "You'll never have to be alone again."


End file.
